“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 

I read this piece of wisdom and found myself weeping. I couldn’t help but weep. I’ll admit, my emotions are a little everywhere right now. Like, I’m not sure what to pray about my situation right now. My situation is: I am in this weird place where I’m not sure why my attitude sucks, why I’m so quick to anger, why everything my mom says to me is very annoying. I get it. She’s a mom. I’m a daughter. “It happens.” “It’s a thing.” “You’re suppose to give your mom attitude.” “It’s apart of life.” Now, no one has actually told me these things, but I feel like some folks my age would tell me this. Or at least a voice in my head is feeding me these lies. The thing is: she’s my mom and she’s a good one at that. Probably, the best mom in the world. She deserves the utmost respect. The bible tells us to honor our parents. Where I am I going to get in life disrespecting my parents? (On the streets, living couch to couch, or nowhere, just to name a few.) As I read the words “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” I couldn’t help but reflect on it all morning. Those words were stuck in my head like an annoying catchy song. (Kinda like when I only get a phrase stuck in my head and I continue to sing it over and over again and everyone tells me to shut up and sing the rest of the song or sing a new one.)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

So, Christ has given me something so good. He has given me parents. He has given me a mom who, when necessary, will rebuke me when I’m not living up to what God has called me to be. And a mom to encourage me all the time. He has given me a dad to be proud of who I am. Even though He know I was going to throw some attitude at my parents and be rude and disrespectful, and even though He knew I wasn’t going to take care of this gift of parents and a family, He STILL gave them to me. Though He knew my disobedience and ungratefulness of what He has given me, He STILL died for me.

I said I didn’t know what to pray for, and I told Jesus that this morning. But my prayer is that my heart is changed. That I confess that I have sinned against my Jesus and that He forgives me. I pray that He restore not only my heart, but my relationship with my family, with my mom. My mom means a lot to me, and I’m not sure where I would be without her. And He knows that, but right now and this past month (or so) my actions haven’t showed it. I’ve also learned something about myself, that I am hard on myself. I tend to beat myself down when I do something wrong. But I will take my thoughts captive and allow what Jesus says I am be true! I declare a good day today! I declare Jesus to work in me and through me! My past isn’t who I am!

Grace.

I am not sure I can fully grasp what Jesus has done for me on the cross. Or why He promised that His mercy will renew every morning for me. But I will stand on that promise!